Sulit

5 tahun

Flashback,Sakitkan diri sendiri,Unintention act

I will commit crimes & destroy stuff just to make my mum embarrassed and disappointed with me. Am i normal?

I always having a flashback of my mum insulting me ,criticising and embarrassed me.Went i was a child, i told her i had been molested,but she keep questioning me.It happen untill i was sekolah menengah.

Saya masih ingat dia kata saya tak ade masa depan ,dia kata hanya kerja kerajaan ada masa depan,karier yg saya pilih tak sependapat dgn kehendak dia.

She embarrassed me for still being single (Not yet married) Infront of her friend,

i still angry and cant accept all of her behavior.
Recently she said i will invite a criminal to our house if i install a CCTV (Which i did) .But install them for her safety!
She dont appreciate my effort.

Playground depan rumah saya kotor dan banyak botol arak.
Satu malam saya bawa pedang(I am martial artist) dan tegur seorang lelaki india ,niat saya cumalah tak mahu org minum arak,kotorkan playground area dgn botol arak ! Tapi saya pulak yg disiasat polis konon dituduh cuba membunuh! mereka tak percaya i am a martial artist.

Saya betul2 rasa dikhianati dan tak dihargai!

Back to my mum,she always questioning and criticising what i do.Malah baru2 ni dia persoalan faedah barang yg saya beli!
The list goes on and on…

I have NO intention to hurt myself or to hurt anybody.Tak ada niat pun!

But its erupt like a volcano.Fikiran saya tak mampu buat keputusan tepat.Blank!

I always think to kill myself and i did (4th time lucky)

I just did that out of frustration and to make my mum embarrassed and disappointed with me and to proof her utterance was actually right,Yes i have no future and a mess.She was right,i did it see.I commit a crimes which i have no intention to and regret so much.But at least my mum was unhappy and disappointed.Thats my main poin.

I though she will change after all the tragedy i did,but i was wrong,she wont change her behavior and she never know i did that because the pain she caused me.I dont know whats wrong with me .

But in the end its myself who hurt the most from my actions.
I dont want to hurt myself or anybody.Its so painful…but i quess i have no choice.

Who should i talk to?Help

Am i normal???apa masalah saya???
Kenapa saya terus sakitkan diri sendiri???

Thank you for your questions. The following answers regarding your current queries are just general descriptions due to the limited information provided by you. Click on this link (DoctorOnCall) for a private consultation with our doctors.

First and foremost, we truly understand your concern regarding your problems. These problems normally has an internal and external factor to it. The internal factor being suppressed emotions, childhood trauma and more. The external factors may be environmental, peer pressure and family support.

In order for us to provide you with an accurate diagnosis, we need additional details to explore further into your current complaints. Therefore, we greatly suggest that you refer this to your nearest clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. You may also click on this link (DoctorOnCall) to speak with our doctors online. We assure you that our conversations are kept in confidentiality unless additional consultation needed with other medical parties. Meanwhile, if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone, do not hesitate to call Befrienders at 03-7956 8145. Thank you.
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